Voting and other absurdities

So, tomorrow is election day. Meaning that today I finally opened my absentee ballot and took a look at the delightful options 2006 has brought to Washington state. In Seattle, congressional races don't have quite the same urgency as elsewhere -- our solidly anti-war Democrat, Rep. Jim McDermott isn't facing any realistic opposition. Statewide races, on the other hand, are a different story. I was somewhat enticed by Bruce Guthrie (any relation to Woody?), the libertarian senate candidate, but I held my nose and voted for Maria Cantwell because, well, I don't want a Republican senator. The joys of a two-party system. Plus Maria did give lip service to bringing the troops home, so that's progress. And I got my usual small thrill from voting for a write-in candidate against our unopposed draconian county prosecuting attorney.

Then we get to pages and pages of initiatives, propositions and referendums, which are usually so confusing that I have to rely on the voters' pamphlet which luckily gives a 'statement for' and 'statement against' along with lists of supporters. (I have heard that other places do not have voters' pamphlets and I am shocked and dismayed. How else do you determine the level of a candidate's commitment to personal grooming, without a handy snapshot?) Along with the usual attacks on public education and public transportation, this year we have a referendum on the ballot for Measure No. 1, which would approve a City Council ordinance passed last year commonly known as the 'lap dance ban'. This ordinance would institute a "four foot rule" between dancers and customers, prohibit private rooms, and mandate a minimum level of light in all strip clubs. In an effort to eliminate any possible sexual contact between dancers and patrons, customers would also be prohibited from directly tipping a dancer.

Yes, this is an "only in Seattle" moment. What other city in the nation would issue a death sentence to its strip clubs? Obviously, this law would not only be disappointing to strip club enthusiasts, but would also be economically devastating to dancers (try soliciting tips with a four foot pole). But little attention had been paid to the group most affected by this law: Seattle Police Department vice detectives.

According to proponants of the referendum, police officers currently undergo the hardship of actually having to pay for lap dances themselves, in order to determine whether or not a certain club is adhering to law. The new referendum would save them the trouble; by eliminating "closed doors," officers could simply observe other patrons rather than having to personally engage in the services provided at these establishments.

"What Ordinance #121952 does is it removes closed doors so our police officers can enforce the law visually, instead of having to purchase a nude lap dance to get behind the closed doors while they work undercover. "

Imagine the adversity our stalwart vice detectives must have endured in order to document all of the "blatant sex acts and code violations" that reportedly occur in strip clubs across the city! Thank goodness we finally have the opportunity to save them from such atrocious working conditions!

The referendum proponants actually have a pretty good idea:

"Either end the hypocrisy and legalize prostitution - so these clubs can keep their actions inside legally and we don't have to waste our tax dollars subjecting our police officers to lap dances - or make and enforce reasonable laws that police officers can enforce."

Wow, how about that? Legalize prostitution, decriminalize sex work, and save tax dollars? Too bad that's not on the ballot.